Not always love causes immense joy and happiness. Sometimes our ideal beliefs about this pure feeling hinder us to enjoy it… Stephanie St. Clair, a coach who consults couples with the most tangled relationships, is sure that to find true love, we have to admit some harsh relationship facts.
Pleasure through pain
Father or mother?
Partners simultaneously reminding us of our mother and father are the most attractive.
This filter is rooted deep in our sub-conscience. Everything we want is to be happy. But our sub-conscience wants our childhood wounds to be healed. Due to the fact that at the stage of romantic love, our sub-conscience plays the main role, it chooses exactly a partner that may help us grow and develop. Quite often, such a relationship turns out to be very painful.
Children as a bliss
Sometimes, the only sense why you happened to be together is to give birth to your splendid children!
Don’t restrict yourself
Provided that you’ve been sincere and fair with a partner, and they turned out to be deceitful or mistreated you, let them go for good and move forward! As the saying goes, if you’ve managed to fool a person, it doesn’t mean that a person is a fool but that they’ve trusted you more than you are worthy of. Therefore, look at the world from another standpoint! There is so much love and so many other people are waiting for you! Stop thinking that something is always missing in the surrounding world! Think about things that are in abundance.
Who makes you happy?
“Nobody except for yourself can make you happy” shouldn’t become a life motto!
Of course, people can make you happy! They can inspire and give you so much strength! Why are we afraid to admit it? Sure, it’s fine to be self-sufficient, but there should be a balance between us and the others. You shouldn’t become symbiotically dependent on your partner, but other people can really make you happy. Just let them.
Love and be loved
You can love another person even if you don’t completely love yourself yet. It would be harder and require mutual efforts, but you can do that. Work on creating love and trust in a relationship, and be open to life.
Stop swearing your ex
Every time you reconstruct your ex’s image with the help of your words, you create their ghost in a room. Once again, you are inviting this person to your life; the same way you invited them before when you created their image by your love. You are imbuing this ghost with your energy. Love and hatred and two sides of the same coin. Your aim is indifference.
One love forever?
Throughout your life, you may fall in love and engage in a lasting relationship not once but several times.
Have you found a soulmate?
Love and partnership may take different forms. You may live a wonderful life with a person you haven’t considered a soulmate first.
Sometimes people come into our lives and leave it only for us to finally start paying attention to ourselves.
Why did your couple fail?
Working with couples after a betrayal, partners who had financial or sexual problems, bad communication skills, and suffered from jealousy, Stephanie St. Clair came to the following conclusion. Of course, all these problems exhausted a relationship, but they weren’t deal-breakers. She believes that the main thing that kills a relationship is to insult a person who’s asked you for help.
As the French say, in every relationship, there is “the one who kisses” and “the one being kissed.”
These roles may be interchangeable. Or in one relationship, you may be the one who kisses, in another – vice versa. Here is the fact you should remember: in a healthy relationship if you sometimes sacrifice your interests for your partner’s sake, you also get more.
You are the master of your own fate
Remember that this bright divine life is exclusively yours, and it’s exclusively your responsibility and decision on how to live it.
Leave the past behind
Don’t try to marry someone when you still love another person.
Don’t wait for permission. Let a partner go if they hurt you too much. Step back if there isn’t enough love. Act if you feel like doing it. Don’t wait for a better time or financial situation. Act right now.
He is very attractive, he has a good job and nice parents who like you. He will become an excellent father. But he is often depressed and doesn’t realize his self-worth.
She is very sexy and nice, she understands that you need personal space and communication with friends. She brings joy to your life. But she keeps asking you about your ex-girlfriends, often talks about cheaters and would complain about a lack of self-confidence rather than do something about it.
A partner’s lack of self-confidence will destroy any relationship even if it has great potential.
People’s reactions to the same things aren’t the same
Things happening to you both affect you differently, leave different memories, and guarantee nothing.
If you’ve broken up, a partner may have other reasons for that and go through a break-up not as painfully as you do. It may be your first collision with harsh reality, but every person has their own notion of stress and ways of reacting to it.
Love isn’t bitter
Some people can tolerate anything in a relationship since they believe they prove their love and devotion in such a way. Yet, as a matter of fact, they tolerate all bad things since they are too attached to a person, afraid to be alone or stick to the idea of being heroes or rescuers. Such a person will be with you on the top and at the bottom, come through your hatred to them, depression, ups and downs, and accept all the accusations. Sounds similar? Then, attention: love doesn’t feel like that!
Are you capable of loving?
Loving somebody doesn’t mean to be in love with them. If you want to find true love, you should decide whether you are capable of this.
Words have to coincide with actions
Don’t fall a victim to those who can admit their mistakes and apologize. Nobody needs a constant flow of regrets and words “forgive me.” Trust people who act and answer for their deeds.
You have to tolerate the period of loneliness
This would be the best present for yourself if you reject such painkillers as alcohol-, Internet-, and work-addiction. This way, your inner voice will become clearer, belief in yourself – stronger, and the temporary absence of another person by your side will let you notice what a strong and wonderful personality you are!
Thus, if you admit these bitter (at first glance) relationship facts, it would be much easier for you to choose the right person. Just be courageous and good luck!